I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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