i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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