I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
