$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
