i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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