I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My ATM looks so different sober.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
