Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
