i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
