were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
