im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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