he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
