There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
