And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
