My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
