I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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