The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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