he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
