i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
