The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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