WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
