yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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