help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
