I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
