Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
