haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
