I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
