He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Randomize
