i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I AM VODKA MAN
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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