thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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