theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
