What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
