So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
