I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize