not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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