question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
