Jerry, you need to find god
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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