I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
