i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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