I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
