Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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