I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
