I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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