i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
