I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
