i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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