You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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