did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
