No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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