Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Semen is not good for contacts.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just gargled with NyQuil
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
