Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
