After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish you could order shots online.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
