i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
