Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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