So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
