I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
