Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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