threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
