whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
