True but thats because hes a fetus.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
