ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
