Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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