It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
