make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
