I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
