ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
