If that was your dad, he is hot
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
