thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
