i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
