Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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